Wow, it has been a long time since I have sat down to blog about anything, especially my art and what Christ is doing in my life. Well, get ready for an update because there is a lot going on. Mostly with myself, spiritually, but with Eph210ArtStudio as well.

As many of you know, May 2021 I had surgery on my right knee that required 5 month recovery. The first six weeks I was on crutches and couldn’t put any weight on my right leg. Two of those weeks I worked as my school district was still in session through June 18th due to starting late because of Covid-19. The rest of the 6 weeks, I spent with my family while my husband was at work. Through this time, I had to learn to let others help me and not to try to do everything on my own. This is a lesson God has had to teach me over and over and over and somehow I just keep forgetting this lesson. I have always been someone to take charge and just do things if they aren’t getting done. I am a people pleaser and I have a hard time trusting others when they say they will get things done in a timely manner. I have gotten better with this and the things I had to work through my surgery is big reason why. By the end of July, I was allowed to start walking and by November 22nd 2021, I was released by my doctor to do whatever I wanted to do. This meant I could go back to boxing!! Which, if you know me, I absolutely love!

In October 2021, I attended my first Third Thursday at Create Arlington since before my surgery. The last thing I had attended before the surgery was West Main Festival. (Coming May 14th 2022!! Stay tuned!) This Third Thursday was fantastic for me. It was here that I realized I could make more than just paintings on canvas. I had started making pouring paint coasters ($5) and pouring paint jewelry ($5-$12).

I sold several things and made a small profit for the amount I had spent on supplies. I was so excited and figured I could have made even more during November and December Third Thursdays because of people looking for Christmas presents. However, that was not meant to be.

Starting in November, I started really struggling with my depression. I had honestly been struggling since August but had managed to push through and still do other things. Earlier I stated that my school district had not gotten out until mid-June due to a late start to the school year and I was recovering from knee surgery during the summer. However, 2021-2022 school year started on time with teachers returning the second week in August. Everything boils down to, I really only had 1 week of summer where I could do what I wanted and rest. Needless to say, when we started back, I was still burned out from the last school year. However, I kept pushing forward. I worked on my art and took a mental health day here and there when it was needed. Then in October, did the Third Thursday and everything was great. Until it wasn’t.

November hit like a ton of bricks and that ton of bricks stayed on top of me until January. I was so caught up in my depression that I was just exhausted all the time. I would go to work to teach and prepare for the next day and would plan to work on something art related when I got home but by the time I did, I just fell asleep on the couch. I felt so depressed and so alone during this time that I didn’t know if I could ever climb out. Not many people know the details of what I went through or how much I hated how I felt. I just didn’t think I could change my situation or that my situation would never change. Most days I wanted to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head and hide from the world. And some days I did. Others, I fought through the depression and anger, and went to work anyway. These days I found myself being more irritable that most and had to fight not to snap at anyone who needed something from me. I was running on empty and had nothing left to give.

I needed change.

I needed something to be different.

I needed strength to get through the day.,

I needed to rely on God for everything.

At the end of December, my husband had had his knee scoped so we spent the holidays between my parents and his so I could have help taking care of him. I am so grateful for this because it was during this time that I was able to get the rest I desperately needed and was able to come to a place where I realized I had been trying to do everything on my own.

10 My God in his steadfast love will meet me; God will let me look in triumph on my enemies.

Psalm 59:10

In this life, when we try to do everything on our own, we get overwhelmed, angry, depressed, and just feel hopeless. I kept asking God for immediate change and what I was really asking was for Him to change my job situation. However, that is not what He had is mind. My job situation remains the same but my anxiety and depression are for the most part gone.

How?

God showed me to change what I can control and rely on Him for everything. Beginning of 2022, my husband and I changed our diet as we got back on the Daniel Plan and I went back to boxing 2 times each week. (I’ve gone down a pant size since then! ) I also changed my quiet time. I wasn’t having one before because I didn’t see the point. I wasn’t having one before because I was so caught up in myself and my situation that I couldn’t see the hope that Christ has for me. I started a reading plan that will take me through the Bible in 49 weeks this year. I listen to it each day with some days just listening to the scriptures as I drive to or from work and others sitting down with my journal and writing what I notice about God in His word. Doing these things has changed my attitude completely. My job is still hard. I am still burned out and can’t wait for summer but I no longer am seeking immediate change. I take it day by day and rely on Him.

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.

Isaiah 50:10

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

1 John 4:16

I say relying on God like it is the easiest thing in the world but some days it is a struggle. It is a decision I make each and every day to give my worries, my fears, my burn out to God and let Him carry if for me. I choose to walk with Him each day and rely on His understanding and not mine. (Proverbs 3:4-6) Days are still hard but even the hardest days are so much easier with him than without!

Do you struggle like I did? (and still do at times?) I pray you have someone you can talk to. I pray that you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. I pray over those who may read this and pray that God will grant them a sense of peace and that they will trust Him with their lives. I pray for any situation that you may be facing and that God will show you His power and move in your life in a way that you can only give God the glory for.

Until Next time,

God Bless.