This week I was going to talk about the lamps I have been creating and include images, however something else was placed on my heart and mind. This week, for the first time in a long time, I experienced artist’s block. Basically writer’s block but applied to my art. My creative part of my brain seemed to be just turned off.
For the schedule that I have set up, Mondays are my creative days. It is the day of the week that I set aside to work on lamps, or paintings or drawings or digital art or whatever else is coming to mind. Yet, this past Monday, I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to create. True, I do have a lamp that needs to be finished and a large scale painting that needs some attention. Yet, none of those things seemed to appeal to me to work on. It felt like I had lost my desire to work on current projects and I couldn’t think of anything new to create. I started to wonder why and was concerned that I might be loosing my creative ability.
Then it hit me: I have stopped spending time with God or worshiping Him regularly.
See my inspiration for everything I do, even the landscape type paintings, comes from God. It is the time that I spend with Him that allows the Holy Spirit to come into my heart and mind and provide me with images to go with the scripture I am reading or the song I am listening to. Several of my paintings are directly from songs I was listening to in Worship at my church on a Sunday morning. Listening isn’t the right word because I was more than listening. I was lost in these songs worshiping my Creator. It is in that intense worship where I am inspired. I would spend time reading my Bible and studying God’s word a few days each week and on the days I didn’t read, I drew, or just sat quietly and listened to what God had to say to me through song or silence.
I haven’t done that in a long time and to be honest, I cant remember the last time I did so consistently. With everything that has been going on from teaching during a pandemic, to trying to update my business, to looking for a new place to live, to trying to have some sort of social life and spends time with my husband, I feel like there isn’t enough time in the day. Or when i do schedule time to spend with God, it is at 5am and when the time comes, I am nice and cozy in my bed and don’t want to wake up. If I try to schedule it for after work, by the time I get off, I am so tired that all I want to do is veg or go to sleep. These are all excuses but God is so much more important than any of these excuses.
When I have been in tune with God and spending time with Him regularly, everything else seems to fade away. The problems I am facing, while they are still there, pale in comparison to the glory of my Heavenly Father. Yet I forget that. There is a song that just came out by Crowder called Good God Almighty and in it there is a line that says, “I get amnesia.” That is so true. We go through things that God uses to teach us something and then once we are through it and are in a good time, we forget what God had done for us and forget how much we need him. This really resonated with my today.
I need God.
I need him more than anything! Things may be hard but life seems so much harder without Him. I don’t just need to spend time with Him to regain my inspiration. I need to spend time with Him to continue my relationship with Him and to grow closer to Him. Wednesday of this week, I felt alone. I felt more alone than I have in a while. It was one of those things that I could have felt alone in a whole stadium of people. Life can be lonely, especially when we get stuck in our heads. I know that is true for me. I get lost in what I am thinking about and what I need to do that day or the next or where my husband and I are going to live next. Once I get lost in my thoughts, it is hard to focus on anything else. I start to worry, my anxiety grows and eventually I feel lost and alone. It feels as if no one in the whole world understands what I am going through. But that is so far from the truth.
God knows.
One of my favorite songs is “God Only Know” by For King And Country. At the end of the first verse, the song talks about how one feels as if no one can see what you are going through and that no one could possibly love you because of what you have done. The course speaks directly to that.
God only knows what you’ve been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows how it’s killing you
But there’s a kind of love that God only knows
God only knows what you’ve been through
God only knows what they say about you
But God only knows the real you
‘Cause there’s a kind of love that God only knows
“God only knows” by For King and Country
God sees you. He knows what you have been through. He knows the pain and hurt you feel from past experiences. He sees who you really are when you try to hide it from everyone else. He sees me when I do this and I try to hide how I am really feeling a lot. He knows who I am and loves me anyway. He sees me in my loneliness and wants to love me through it. He sees me in my anxiety and embraces me so I can continue forward. The same is true for you.
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you;
He will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:22
Whenever you feel alone or depressed or burdened, go to God. I am speaking to myself as well. I always feel so much better and so much lighter when I talk to God and give everything to Him. Worrying and being anxious of anything does not help or add anything to our lives.
Therefore do do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will ve anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:34
Not being anxious is so difficult and is something I struggle with, especially when I am overwhelmed. However, I must remind myself that God is large and in charge and He will provide for me.
I share all of this in hopes that what I go through will resonate with someone and God will minister to someone else. Writing this has helped me a lot with how I have felt this week.
I pray for you this week.
I pray for myself and that I reconnect with God and continue to grow in Him.
Until next time,
God bless.